A truly bleak August comes it’s interest-shattering conclusion.
The past four weeks have resulted in a loss of faith in the studio system, the independents, the entertainment industry as a whole, The United States of America, my life and humanity itself. I lay awake at night and pray for an asteroid to collide with Earth so that I won’t have to write about generic-looking Eric Bana thrillers, generic-looking Ethan Hawke thrillers and Boy Band 3D concert films directed by grating, C-level documentary filmmakers.
This is a weekend to forget about cinema entirely. Spend time with your friends and family. Go outside. Read a book. Stare at a blank wall for 72 hours. Please do anything other than going to the movies.
Closed Circuit: This, clearly the best of the weekend’s openers, features Eric Bana and Rebecca Hall as government defense lawyers representing an accused terrorist bomber. There’s all sorts of political intrigue involved…possible cover-ups…and Julia Stiles is present to remind you of the Bourne films.
This probably would have gone day-and-date or DTV under normal circumstances, but Focus Features elected to open it on a weekend that has previously been very successful for their B-level political thrillers. Reviews can best be summed up as “it’s kind of unexceptional!” which is about what you’d expect.
Personal interest factor: 3
Getaway – This Taken meets The Transporter meets Drive rip-off starring Ethan Hawke looks positively embarrassing for all involved. As with Closed Circuit, it’s pretty surprising this is going theatrical.
It’s interesting that I need to ask whether this or Baby Geniuses and the Mystery of the Crown Jewels is the worst film Jon Voight will make in 2013.
Note: this is sitting at a whopping 2% (!) on Rotten Tomatoes right now.
Personal interest factor: 1.
One Direction: This is Us in 3D - Morgan Spurlock directs international music sensation One Direction in their first 3D concert movie!
Personal interest factor: I want to die.
For classic fare: The Criterion in New Haven is running Galaxy Quest (1999) and On the Waterfront (1954) Friday-Sunday.