Category Archives: Weird stuff

Jun25

Five Haikus on the Films of Michael Bay

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By Adam Sternbergh, From the New Tork Times Magazine.

Bad Boys: Imagine
Hardy Boys with explosions.
And swears. Lots of swears.

For Armageddon
One question: Why not just teach
Astronauts to drill?

Epic Pearl Harbor
Was your Titanic, though not
In the way you hoped.

We suspect even
You, Michael Bay, can’t recall
Plot of The Island.

A third Transformers?
This franchise lasts longer than
The toys ever did.

Jun4

Five Short Poems on the Films of Brad Pitt

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From the New York Times magazine:

Thelma and Louise:
Your abs alone deserved a
Star on Walk of Fame.

Moral of Se7en:
When a psycho sends FedEx
Never sign for it.

Ocean’s Eleven
Art? No. But we do watch each
TBS repeat.

We swear Seven Years
in Tibet flew by; felt like
No more than six, tops.

Tree of Life: Cannes prize!
So let’s all just forgive and
Forget Meet Joe Black.

Mar20

Five Short Poems about the Films of Matt Damon

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Haikus from Carina Chocano in today’s New York Times Magazine:

Your “Good Will Hunting”
‘Twas a masterpiece. It’s true:
We liked them apples.

You played the private
In “Saving Private Ryan.”
Saved? Died? Can’t recall.

Who was Jason Bourne?
An American James Bond.
Without all the sex.

You’ll soon be playing
Liberace’s muse. Homework:
Shine candelabra.

Your best role? No way.
But best-named role: “Glory Daze”‘s
Edgar Pudwhacker.

 

Jul8

Disney & Dali – together at last

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I found this amazing. It’s not the execution, though it’s well done. Nor even the fact that it’s Salvador Dali’s work, whose art I more often than not find overrated. It’s the idea of Salvador Dali collaborating with Walt Disney and seeing what could have been and now in a way is (it was assembled by a french studio based on the preliminary work by the two). Say what you will about the company as a moneygrubbing machine, but the man Walt Disney did work together with some of the great and most controversial artists of the age. Pixar does great things but I dare them to do a short film with Damien Hirst.

May22

Bazooka Joe Begins

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After exploiting old television shows, movies, comic books, action figures and board games, Hollywood is moving on to the next logical property: gum.

Michael Eisner and his Tornante Co. have tapped newcomer Mark Hammer to pen a feature adaptation of “Bazooka Joe,” the comic strip that comes with Bazooka bubble gum.

Hammer, who this weekend is attending the graduation ceremony at Orange County’s Chapman University, where he studied film, wrote a spec titled “Sonny Takes to Peru,” which made the studio rounds but ultimately did not sell.

That spec, however, turned into a strong writing sample that got him into meetings as well as representation at management outfit the Safran Co. Execs at Tornante, seeking to fill their open writing assignment,liked the spec and brought in Hammer, who gave them his winning take.

“Bazooka Joe” has been a comic strip used as an advertising device for the gum since the 1950s. Joe, who wears an eye patch for reasons never explained, has child-friendly misadventures, sometime joined by a host of friends with the names Pesty, Mort (always with a turtleneck sweater pulled up over his mouth), Toughie, Hungry Herman, love interest Jane and a dog named Walkie Talkie.

Bazooka, the gum and the comic, are part of trading card company Topps’ stable. Eisner purchased the company in 2007 for $380 million with a mandate to rejuvenate the brand.

For too long: this important pop culture icon has been hampered by poor story telling in the form of unfunny two-panel comic inserts. Here’s hoping they take the character back-to-basics with a complex, realistic, “darker” origin story in the vein of Nolan’s Batman films.

Since this is likely signaling a new trend, please pitch your own product-turned-movie in comments.

My personal dream casting is Dwayne Johnson for a Mr. Clean movie.  I’m just sure he can capture the essence of the character: a vaguely ethnic, chrome-domed lothario who charms lonely housewives with his washboard abs and nearly-debilitating obsessive compulsive disorder.

Previously: Larry Clark’s ‘Candy Land’