Let’s delve into the heart of darkness with this week’s Openings in Connecticut! We’ve got Jennifer Aniston movies, an obnoxiously heavy-handed sci-fi political allegory, porn star biopics and a new Cars sequel!
We’re the Millers: Drug dealer Jason Sudeikis and stripper Jennifer Aniston form a temporary family unit in order to smuggle drugs over the Mexican border. Rawson Marshall Thurber (Dodgeball) directs.
While there are a few decent laughs in the trailer, this seems like the type of lackluster studio comedy best enjoyed on HBO a year from now. Besides, Aniston’s scenes look like they’ll play better in private.
Bad movie sign: Emma Roberts. Personal interest factor: 4
Lovelace: This day-and-date theatrical/VOD release follows the production of the groundbreaking adult feature, Deep Throat, along with the volatile relationship between star Linda Lovelace (Amanda Seyfried) and her husband (Peter Sarsgaard).
I can’t remember if this is the recast version of the would-be Lindsay Lohan-starring Lovelace biopic or a recast version of the Malin Akerman-starring Lovelace biopic or a completely unrelated production. Does the world really need two or three films on this same subject? At least present Lovelace in a fictional take that has her battling terrorists who have seized The White House.
Oh, and take what I said about Jennifer Aniston’s work above and apply it to Seyfried here.
Bad movie sign: Sharon Stone. Personal interest factor: 3
Elysium – Neil Blomkamp directs Matt Damon in this sci-fi action thriller. Jodie Foster co-stars as a stock “cold and calculating bitch” villain and Sharlto Copley plays some guy in it, too.
Sci-fi dorks and people who enjoyed Bomkamp’s District 9 should enjoy this because IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE DISTRICT 9. Bonus: simplistic political overtones.
Bad movie sign: William Fichtner. Personal interest factor: 2
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters – Too-late sequel to an aspiring Harry Potter knock-off that performed kinda-respectably three years ago. I don’t know what the plot is.
Browncoat Jesus (aka Nathan Fillion) plays a supporting role when really he should be toplining this…and all of Summer 2013’s blockbusters.
Bad movie sign: Director Thor Freudenthal. Personal interest factor: 0
Planes: What’s less appealing than another film set in Pixar’s Cars universe? How about a formerly-DTV, non-Pixar spin-off starring Dane Cook! When Jon Cryer bails from your would-be franchise…whoa boy. Bonus: the sequel is already in production.
Bad movie sign: Take your pick! Personal interest factor: No!
For classic fare: The Criterion in New Haven is running Monty Python’s Meaning of Life (1983) and The Caine Mutiny (1954) Friday-Sunday.