Movies Opening in Connecticut – Weekend of August 30, 2013

Standard

A truly bleak August comes it’s interest-shattering conclusion.

The past four weeks have resulted in a loss of faith in the studio system, the independents, the entertainment industry as a whole, The United States of America, my life and humanity itself.  I lay awake at night and pray for an asteroid to collide with Earth so that I won’t have to write about generic-looking Eric Bana thrillers, generic-looking Ethan Hawke thrillers and Boy Band 3D concert films directed by grating, C-level documentary filmmakers.

This is a weekend to forget about cinema entirely.  Spend time with your friends and family.  Go outside.  Read a book.  Stare at a blank wall for 72 hours.  Please do anything other than going to the movies.

Closed Circuit: This, clearly the best of the weekend’s openers, features Eric Bana and Rebecca Hall as government defense lawyers representing an accused terrorist bomber.  There’s all sorts of political intrigue involved…possible cover-ups…and Julia Stiles is present to remind you of the Bourne films.

This probably would have gone day-and-date or DTV under normal circumstances, but Focus Features elected to open it on a weekend that has previously been very successful for their B-level political thrillers.  Reviews can best be summed up as “it’s kind of unexceptional!” which is about what you’d expect.

Personal interest factor: 3

Getaway  –  This Taken meets The Transporter meets Drive rip-off starring Ethan Hawke looks positively embarrassing for all involved.  As with Closed Circuit, it’s pretty surprising this is going theatrical.

It’s interesting that I need to ask whether this or Baby Geniuses and the Mystery of the Crown Jewels is the worst film Jon Voight will make in 2013.

Note: this is sitting at a whopping 2% (!) on Rotten Tomatoes right now.

Personal interest factor: 1.

One Direction: This is Us in 3D – Morgan Spurlock directs international music sensation One Direction in their first 3D concert movie!

Personal interest factor: I want to die.

For classic fare: The Criterion in New Haven is running Galaxy Quest (1999) and On the Waterfront (1954) Friday-Sunday.

13 responses »

  1. That’s a good article, Slim. The only ones I would say are a contender (against this one) would be August 19, 1994 and June 13, 2003. The others all seem to have at least one opening that’s mildly interesting or even not bad at all.

  2. Agreed. That, Waterworld (which isn’t great, but at least has an impressive scope and good action), Night at the Museum 2 (again, not good – but it’s a competently made blockbuster) and The Dictator feel shoehorned in to salvage their respective weekend’s questionable inclusion.

    I’d even defend The Shadow to an extent. It’d bad, but wears it’s awfulness as a badge of honor.

  3. The Postman is a misunderstood…well, it’s incredibly misunderstood, if just for its great ending. And it’s leagues above Waterworld.

  4. Of that list June 2003 gets my vote.

    Waterworld shows up on worst films ever made list? Really? I don’t think it has anywhere near that bad a reputation quality-wise.

  5. Okay, Marco, you’re telling me this guy had the time for evolution to instill in him the ability to breathe underwater…*with gills*, mind you…and there’s still wave runners?
    Dude…on that mark alone, one. of. the. worst.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s