The usual January crap-fest continues this week, with special focus on the continuing decline of Johnny Depp.
And I’ll start with what looks like Depp’s third flop in a row, Mortdecai (27), in which the actor plays a role in homage to Peter Sellers and Terry-Thomas. Millennials give a collective, “Who?” Elizabeth Weitzman: “Johnny Depp has done so much for us. Let us now return the favor and pretend Mortdecai, a disastrously misjudged career low, never existed.”
Speaking of stars making bad movies, has Jennifer Lopez made a good movie since Out of Sight? Her latest misfire is The Boy Next Door (31), in which Lopez is now old enough to play a MILF. Marc Mohan: “It’s a thriller, if the term can be applied to an inept, perfunctory movie with more laughs than thrills — and it only has a couple laughs. Let’s call it an attempted thriller and an inadvertent comedy.”
Believe it or not, these two films are not the worst-reviewed of the week. Strange Magic (25) receives that dubious honor, Lou Lumenick: “A jaw-droppingly terrible animated musical that mismatches George Lucas’ inane story about a pair of fairy princesses to an oddball selection of the “Star Wars’’ creator’s favorite pop tunes.”
For those who don’t like this garbage, there’s always Cake (49), the movie that Jennifer Aniston used to try to get an Oscar. It’s about a woman in a chronic-pain support group, which sounds like a lot of fun. Kyle Smith: “Gunning for the near-annual Ugly Makeup Oscar, Aniston proves, as always, a modestly gifted actress, only this time with scars and weedy hair.”
Finally, there’s Manny (35), a documentary about boxer/politician Manny Pacquiao.